The breakdown on dating..

Last night a circle of friends (4 out of the 5 are married and one has a BF)  decided they were going to give me crap about dating.  I haven’t dated in almost 2 months and they couldn’t understand why.  It was like being on trial… No I’m not exaggerating. Heh.  I explained to them the reasons why I have chosen not to date and why I have decided to not date for a full year. 

They had a lot of choice words for me….         Crazy, picky, high maintenance , unreasonable, silly… I’m going to stop there because I’m sure you get the point. 

Of course, I don’t see it as any of those labels listed above.  I know what I want and what I don’t want and I refuse to pretend to like something/someone or settle for something/someone.  I see and hear all the time … People settling… Why???  Then you have the people that choose others based on security or financial reasons… That’s absolutely disgusting & lazy.   Why can’t I want something for myself that makes me happy? Puts me at ease?  Gives me peace?  Why is that crazy, unreasonable or high maintenance?    Because I’m honest about what I want??    I know we live in a society where its more acceptable to be a liar and lead people on when you have bad intentions than set standards, goals and expectations for yourself… God forbid! 

Here’s the deal…

1. Your friends set you up on a date. They know someone and they think you’ll be great together.   You finally say ” fine”.  You meet them…. Um…. no.  I fake an emergency text message and get the hell out of there really quick.  I get to my car and the first thing I think is… “What the fuck?  Does my friend know me? Was this just a prank to get back at me for missing her birthday??” 

2. You date someone from work.  Now.. I work with all women or men that are gay. So… I’m talking about clients. You meet one of the dads that drops their kid off to your class. Not the married ones of course. I have done this once in over 20 years of teaching… No Bueno.  

3. You online date.                                        What a cluster fuck this is!  If you think people are decent… Try online dating.  You’ll find out really fast they there are disgusting, crude, rude and greedy human beings on this planet.  Lots of one time coffee dates. I have two lists of  ” hell to the mother fucking NO”. These lists have been verbally bashed and critiqued by  “friends”

List one… NO’s for profile pictures

  1.  NO -on pictures of man parts or lack there of.
  2. NO – on shirtless pictures
  3. NO -on pictures at the bar or drinking 
  4. NO -on pictures with cigarettes, drugs or drug paraphernalia.
  5. NO –  on pictures with them wearing a cowboy hat.
  6. NO- on pictures of them and the poor animal they just killed while hunting 
  7. NO- on pictures with their tongues out ( wtf is up with that?)
  8. NO-  on pictures with them having neck or face tattoos 
  9. NO- on pictures of them flipping any sort of sign : the finger, gang sign, peace sign, Vulcan sign ( yes I’ve seen that)
  10.  NO – on pictures of them with shitty bands on their shirt
  11. NO – on pictures of them licking their lips, biting their lips or doing something absolutely bizarre with their lips.  I don’t need to see your “sex ” or  ” O ” face.   If it came down to that and I saw you making that face at me … I’d put a pillow over your mug so I wouldn’t have to look at it. 

Moving on to List two…. NO’s for meeting in person. 

  1. NO- don’t hug me when I meet you.. I don’t know you. 
  2. NO- don’t ask me if I have slutty clothes or if I would meet you wearing slutty clothes
  3. NO- don’t tell me Nirvana is the greatest band… I will throat punch you.
  4. NO- don’t tell me you’ve never seen Pulp Fiction ( what planet do these assholes live on?)
  5. NO- don’t talk about your ex
  6. NO-  don’t tell me that my job isn’t a job and then compare it to what you see on reality television. 
  7. NO-  don’t be offensive, crude , rude, inconsiderate, racist, homophobic, selfish , disgusting, or have a huge ego the first 20 minutes of meeting you. Because if you’re doing that on the first impression meet and greet… You are probably a huge prick. 
  8. NO- don’t ask me anything sexual. We just barely met. I don’t know you. Now… I don’t want to know you.  If you are looking for a whore… Why don’t you go on Craigslist or tap any of the drunken whores you find throwing themselves around at bars.  There are plenty of them out there and I’m sure you have a lot in common… Your std’s may match up great. 
  9. NO- don’t bash your ex to me. I don’t know them. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t believe anything I hear and only half of what I see.  
  10. NO- don’t ask me how much I make. That is weird and I don’t plan on supporting your ass. Be a fucking adult  …. Man the fuck up and support yourself.  
  11. NO- don’t tell me you’re into classic rock ( Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and so on) I don’t have time for that shit.
  12. NO-  don’t tell me I work too much.  I know I do. I don’t need anymore reminders that I have to work 7 days a week to make a living.  So shut up.
  13. NO-  don’t show up like you’re going to the gym after or don’t talk about the gym obsessively. That means you’re probably one of those guys that grunts really loud while lifting , then throws the weights down and then walks away and doesn’t rack them back up.  Basically I’m saying you’re the gym douche that everyone wants to kick in the balls for being so Douchey. 

So…. That’s about it.   That’s my list of NO’s. 

Here’s the thing ….

 When a woman wants to be with a man. It’s usually because they find a man exciting. He makes them feel happy. They adore him and all his faults and celebrate all his accomplishments          ( there are exceptions… Gold diggers, whores, white trash and psychos)

Most men… Want a woman only to serve a purpose.  They want her too look good.  They want someone their friends will approve of.  They want someone perfect even though they are far from it. They want someone easy… Easy on the eyes. Easy in bed. Easy to tell what to do or how to think. Easy to argue with because the woman is passive aggressive , a pleaser or just plain stupid.  Easy.   Men have a need … They want it fufilled …. Once that need is met they will find a different need and a different woman. They want someone to play mommy. They want someone to play nurse and heal them. They want someone to fuck and leave. They want someone to love them unconditionally but don’t feel like they need to do the same.

Are there exceptions and some people that don’t act this way? I’m sure there are …. It’s a big world.  Have I met them yet? Nope. 

My view  of love , relationships, trust, honesty, happiness and so on have been completely tarnished … They have been taken away and pretty much burned to a crisp.  

My one ” friend” said… Sounds like you hate men. Maybe you should turn gay”

First of all … Nobody turns gay and if you think that… You are simple minded. 

Two…. I don’t hate men. I don’t trust men.   However, I don’t like most women. Seriously, I can’t stand them. When they talk…. I usually want to shove a dirty sock in their mouth or say ” shut up you smelly pirate hooker”

So that’s where I’m at and that’s why I’ve decided to basically write off dating for a year.  

Have a great Thanksgiving!  Be grateful.    Think about others.  Love the people around you. Eat pumpkin pie.  If you’re married show your spouse that you appreciate them and you value your family. If you’re in a relationship … Thank your lucky stars you don’t have to go through the holidays pretending to be happy or pretending to be ok with everyone asking why you aren’t in a relationship. Unless you are already pretending to be happy In your current relationship… If that’s the case… Wake the fuck up and make a life that you can be happy with.  If you are single …. Raise your glass of wine, pull out the turkey dinner from the microwave, and enjoy the peace and quiet of a great day & that you aren’t under the ruling of a tyrant , having to listen to someone’s lies or their opinions about what you are or aren’t ,  and that you can go to bed grateful for sticking to your guns to find your happiness without someone else telling you what your happiness is.  Be grateful that settling is not an option for you. 

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