Back on track….

Ok… So I had the Christmas blues for two days and I’m getting back on track and feeling really great!

I have a lot of new adventures coming up that will hopefully take me down different avenues. I’m so looking forward to it!

I will keep you updated! 

Also… Thanks for the new follows, comments, and messages. 

Soon I will be broadcasting from Periscope and I will give broadcast updates on here as well. 

New Twitter & Instagram will be up and running soon too.  Out with the old and in  with the new! 

Hope everyone has a safe and blessed New Years! 

Much love!  😘

Head space…

Not in a good place today. 

Trying hard to dig myself out & stay positive… But some people are just THE WORST. 

You can be honest, kind, loyal, hard working, loving… Most of society could care less.

What scores big in this society and what gets rewarded in this society… Dishonesty, hate, greed, fear, selfishness… It’s gross.

Most people act this heinous yet preach their religion as an afterthought.

We have a presedential candidate that spews hate from his pores, lies obsessively, does shady business, bullies people constantly on a daily basis, thinks there is a superior race and makes sexual comments about his own daughter … And people follow him in droves!   It’s frightening!

How many sheep are in this world that will follow evil to the ends of the earth? 

How much evil is in this world that have no problem driving people with good hearts to the end of their rope? 

My whole life… I’ve had one lie fed to me after the next. From family, friends, employers, clients, lovers…. It never ends. One horrible lie after the next.  

Why do I have trust issues? Because there are so many fucking liars. 

I’ve been treated like yesterday’s news or even better yesterday’s garbage … For as long as I can remember.  I try to keep the faith in God, in the world, in humanity… I am slowly losing my grasp… And it breaks my heart.  I am heartbroken that i’m starting to despise humanity. That I am starting to feel hate or disgust for society.  I am begging for a sign from God to keep up the good fight.   I am trying…

I want to believe, love, have faith, and trust again.  

I’m so tired of seeing what I’ve seen. Hearing what I’ve heard. Feeling what I’ve felt.  I’m tired. 

Lies. Deceit. Hate. Fear. Greed. Selfishness.   These words rest in the hearts and mind of society… And I’m tired of it. 

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive…. Over and over again.  Why should I have to forgive… So many times?? Why can’t people just be decent people??? 

When your wall has a crack…

You put up a wall… Think you’re doing great… You notice a tiny crack… You think… Eh… It will be fine… It will hold. 

Then on a night … Like tonight… One song… One moment… And that small crack turns into a full brick , then two, then five. 

It doesn’t all come crashing down… But it leaves a substantial hole… A hole big enough to let the outside wander in. 

This song… Penetrated my walls tonight. It found the weak spot and came charging in…. Making me think, remember, feel.

I don’t want to feel. 

Because it hurts too much. That vacant spot in your soul. It hurts when you think… You were never good enough… Why couldn’t I be better??  What more could I have done??  

The questions will drive you to the deepest hole… Clawing to get out. 

I don’t want to feel this. 

This song… This fucking song!

I don’t know if I want to cry for it, punch it, hold it, love it, fuck it or kick it in the balls. It’s such a whirlwind of emotion emerging from the flood gates.  

I will spend the rest of my night and this week patching the hole up…. 

Ladies and gentlemen the song that destroyed me tonight…

Tristan Prettyman-  ” Never Say Never” 

We survived!

Christmas is over. Our relatives are on their way back home ( even though they are stuck in a blizzard in New Mexico now).   And… We survived!

Having  very conservative family… From Texas… For three days straight …. In your home is a bit stressful. 

You have to hear many things… About many races of people… Or religions… Put a smile on your face and ignore it.  It’s not worth the fight… Pick your battles.  

It’s now time to relax, unwind, and do absolutely nothing for a bit.  It’s almost 10am and I’m still laying in bed.  It’s unusually cold here and my bed is comfy and warm…. I don’t want to move! 

The holidays are fun… But so exhausting. Lots of running around and preparation.

This Christmas break has been a life saver. I am feeling better than I have in months… I just needed some down time.

For the rest of the week… I plan on reading the books I never had time for,  setting up my Etsy shop, further exploring Periscope , napping, and  trying out my new Crock Pot.  

I have quite a bit of down time this week… So be prepared for heavy posting. 

Happy Sunday Everyone!  

😘

Merry Christmas!

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to everyone!

Sending love out to ya!

Thinking of my family that are in another state… Missing them. I can’t wait to see you next year. 

Also Thinking of C.A today.  Sending much love to you and I hope you and your kiddo have a beautiful holiday.  You will always be my first love and have a special place in my heart.  I wish you nothing but happiness and best wishes going in to 2016. 

I’m looking forward to 2016.  New attitude, new focus, new direction , new outlook…   I feel nothing but fire and determination.  

Have a blessed day with your loved ones…. Merry Christmas!   

A perfect start to the holiday break

Today has been so wonderful.

Star Wars with the Fam,  family in town, decorating the tree, a fun dinner.

I’m loving this break so far!❤️

I was so stressed and feeling anxious about the holidays.  Like everyone else…      I was so worried about money and gifts.  Everything works out… If you just relax and take things one day at a time.  I am so grateful for this time off. One … To visit with family and friends and Two… To relax and let my body heal & get better. 

Tomorrow morning…. There aren’t any alarms set.  I’m making a late  breakfast for family and friends. Then it will be a day of relaxing, baking  and board games. Oh.. And I’m making green chile chicken noodle soup for dinner with pulled pork sandwiches. Tiramisu & wine for dessert

I’m ending tonight feeling so grateful for everything I have. Everything I’ve learned. Everything coming ahead for me. 

Tunes are on, a glass of wine and a LUSH bubble bath.  It’s the perfect way to end the night. 

Last night I went to sleep with a smile on my face. Tonight… Will be the same.

Feeling very blessed… At peace…. And  happy. 

Good night , Sweet Dreams & Merry Christmas to all!  😊❤️🎄

Out of the norm…but so worth it.

Anyone that knows me is well aware of what kind of music I listen to. I mostly like alternative/indie music. So when this album came out I didn’t have any interest in listening to it. However… I had heard one song A few weeks ago and it really spoke to me. Come to find out… This album is what I needed. Yes… Very out of the norm for me… But so worth it.

Not every song on the album is fantastic. However, the handful that run parallel to my life and what has gone on in my life…really made an impact on me.

I picked this one to put on here today… Not because I want to remember this feeling and how horrible it feels. But….      I like this one in particular because it is something that I’ve experienced… It is very painful…. And I never want to feel that feeling again. No regrets… But I finally learned my lesson. With every 5 dark moments there is one light. Those light moment were some of the best moments of my life then I wouldn’t trade for the world. But… Live, love, learn… And MoveOn.