Well shit…..

I thought I was going to get through it. I was feeling pretty good. But… With the help with some down time.. Here I am rehashing feelings and feeling sad.  One glass of wine later and there went the water works.  I hope this goes away in the morning.  

These feelings have been buried but all I can think about is…. Am I that horrible?  What’s wrong with me?  I feel like … I will never be good enough for anyone.  You give yourself away and trust your heart with someone … Only to have them stomp it to pieces and treat you like your a non-existent piece of garbage.  I will never trust anyone ever again.  I’d rather die alone than to put myself through such humiliation, heartache and pain.  My heart hurts tonight… All I can remember is being sucker punched and left to bleed. 

I don’t want to love anyone or let someone close to me ever ever again.  

Love?  Ya… Love can go fuck itself.  I want  that feeling to stay away from me and I don’t want to ever feel it again.  Because most people don’t mean it…  It’s a lie. 

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