I’ve been off the grid a bit this past month. I’ve been super busy with my work and starting up my business.
On Monday- March 7th … My online store ” Blisses N’ Kisses ” will be open! I’m super excited… Nervous & excited😊
From building logos, websites, product, ads…. It’s been exhausting but so worth it!
Working for yourself and being able to have that time at home and to yourself on your schedule… Is amazing! I am hoping and praying that everyone will love my products as much as I do! It would be nice to cut back on my other jobs and focus just on my business.
This is the year of ” me “. May sound a bit selfish… It isn’t. I remember someone telling me a couple years back… That they were wanting to focus just on themselves and didn’t have the time or energy for anything or anyone else. At the time I thought… What a selfish thing to say! Of course… I wanted to give them all “my” time and energy … So I felt hurt, heartbroken, offended, betrayed, and so on.
Here I am… A couple years later… Feeling the same way and completely understanding what that actually means. It’s crazy. I stopped a lot of things . I have never been comfortable with ” just me”. I actually hated ” just me”. I didn’t feel like I deserved to spend time with “just me”. I did not want to be alone with ” just me”.
My kiddo will always be the number one person in my life. But.. I did have a close runner up that I would have done anything for. Anything. Wanting their love , attention, affection, focus… As much as humanly possible. I honestly thought that’s how people loved? I thought that’s how you were suppose to feel? I have never really been loved by anyone so … I was pretty much clueless.
First of all… I’m sure that can be incredibly overwhelming. But secondly.. I have to love myself before loving anyone else. I have to make peace with myself and conquer demons before I can truly be free to love anyone. Taking the time to focus on me … Is necessary, responsible, and well deserving.
I am so tired of beating myself up for mistakes I’ve made. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m worthless…Because I’m not! People make mistakes. I have made plenty of mistakes.. I will probably continue to make mistakes. But.. I refuse to punish myself for them.
This new venture… Is an avenue I chose on my own … With out worrying what people thought… Without fear. I did this! I did this all by myself.
It’s nice to feel proud of myself for once. It’s refreshing to not feel fear. It’s peaceful to feel freedom. It’s great to feel loved…by “me”. Am I a happy camper that walks around dotting her i’s with hearts?? No. Haha! Yes… There are times when I cry or feel sad. I think about my mom. I think about my childhood. I think about my kiddo growing up and not needing me anymore. I think about how my heart is still broken and I’m not 100% if it will ever be mended. But… Who’s 100% sure of anything? Yes… Those moments still make me sad.
But… With darkness there is light. I use to be completely consumed by darkness… Fear, sorrow, regret. Now… I feel forgiveness, happiness, peacefulness … They have taken over.
I wake up excited to start the day… Hopeful.
The direction I am going and want to continue to move in is straight and crystal clear.
I’m not saying I will be burning all of my ” history” books… But I am excited to be writing new ones.
I hope you all are writing great stories for yourself as well. 😊💖😊💖