The Top 10 Musical Diary

1. A song for my son-  he means the world to me. No one has ever shown me the love or kindness that he has.            He’s my EVERYTHING. 

2. A song for my brother – he was so young when our world got turned upside down. I tried to be there as much as I could for him.. But I was a child myself.  I wish I would have done more for him.  If I could turn back time ….I would do a lot of things differently.  I love him to pieces.  He brightens my day. 

3. A song from my childhood-  seriously .. It is!  I had this song playing over and over when I first got it.  It would drive everyone crazy. Yes … I listened to Madonna, Michael , Whitney.. Tiffany.. But for some reason I identify with this song the most as a kid

4. A song for my mom-  I miss her every single day.  It doesn’t get easier.  It’s hard not having her here through marriage, divorce, pregnancy, heart break, accomplishments. I don’t have anyone to talk to about those things.  It has always been me, myself and I.   She was a girly girl that was tough as nails. She was so independent yet just wanted to be loved. I can’t talk about it anymore. 

5. A song for my early twenties, my friends, my apartment with beaded curtains-  it was probably the best time of my life. It was also the first time I felt free. So many happy times.  It was a wild ride but worth it. This song…  Every damn weekend! Lol

6.  The one that stole my heart and I’ve been retrieving it piece by piece-   There is always ” the one that got away” for everyone.  This one ran away… Then came back… Then ran away … Then came back… Then ran away… Ok you get it.   It never phased me. It was something I just accepted.  The world could exploding around me… And I don’t think I would have noticed. It was him…. All about him. When you feel your soul latch on to another human being… It’s magic. There’s no other way to describe it.  There are plenty of songs. Some are on the ” no no ” list. They aren’t to be played anymore. Some are obvious… The go to songs for him. But this one… This one always described how I felt when he decided to walk back my way.  Everytime the phone rang and his voice was on the other end… This is how I felt.  

7. For the ex-   Haha. I wasn’t going to let this one slide.  This one is for him.  I don’t need to go into details. The song pretty much says it all.   

8. For my students-   They teach me more than I teach them.  I adore them. They bring my thoughts & feelings to life on stage.  I am forever grateful. 

9. For The Crush- yes as reluctant as I wanted him to tip toe on this page… He made it on.   What can I say?  I try incredibly hard to ignore him… He makes it impossible.  I try to avoid eye contact, conversation , interaction … He puts himself in front of me & seeks out my attention.  He’s a beautiful and sexy pain in the ass.  I’m pretty sure he is trouble with a capital T.  He comes in to the studio and I try to steal a glance and he’s already looking.  I want to avoid him as much as possible yet  I want to throw him against the wall and have my way with him.   It’s definitely a Moonlighting or X-file thing happening.  All talk, zero action… It’s just a lot of built up sexual tension… For me.. I don’t know about him. I never asked nor am I going to. He either feels the same or he knows he’s just a flirty player.  Ugh I want to punch him & kiss his face all at the same time.  It’s just a crush fueled by sexual frustration I think. Lol

10. A song for myself-   My journey on this earth has been filled with many fantastic and horrible events.   I learn every day.       I grow every day.  I make mistakes every day. I accomplish something every day.   There aren’t any excuses, regrets, hard feelings and such. As much as I live in my fairytale bubble…. I try to keep things as grounded as possible.  Letting go is hard.  Living life is hard. Yet… I’m doing it.  It’s possible.  I have done many things wrong and I take full responsibility for them… But I also have done many things right.  And you betch your ass that I will fight for my life and the for the people around me.  I’m happy being me. No one … NO ONE … Including myself ….Will ever make me feel like I’m not extraordinary or  that I’m worthless ever again…Never.

There it is… My top 10.  Good night💖🌙

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