Depression is an asshole… But(t) don’t let it define you.

Warning … This is lengthy.. Scroll ahead of you want.. No worries. Lol
Anyone that knows me knows that I’ve battled depression for a very long time… Almost 30 years. Though I never talk about it or bring it up in casual conversation… Those that are close to me know me and my battles. I’ve always been extremely ashamed of it and mask it any way I possibly can. It comes in waves and isn’t very frequent but when it does bubble up… It’s very difficult.  
Lately… I’ve seen more people come forward and have the courage to talk about it. It’s been refreshing to hear people talk about it on a social platform or have casual conversations about how they deal with it and so on. It’s hard when facing depression/anxiety when people tell you ” get over it”, “stop being sensitive…. be grateful”, ” don’t talk about your feelings and keep it to yourself”.    

1. It is very difficult to ” get over” something that feels like it has you in a choke hold. I know I have to ” get over it”. I do try…. Trust me … I don’t want to feel miserable. However, I just can’t snap my fingers and make it go away. But I can try… The process may be slow. It may creep back… But I do try.

2. I am very grateful for the people and opportunities in my life. However, you do not understand… With depression … You feel like you are unworthy of what you are grateful for and it sometimes it is a struggle. There are times I feel absolutely worthless and undeserving. Once again I TRY … To do the best I can. I am very grateful for what I have. 

3. As far as … ” don’t talk about your feelings & keep them to yourself”. That would be great … But when you wake up by yourself, eat meals by yourself, go to movies by yourself and so on… You realize you are very alone and ” to yourself” is just a trigger for depression to set in. I understand if someone doesn’t care or doesn’t want to take part in that conversation. I get it… I don’t want to either! Haha 

My point in bringing all this up is this… Everyone fights their own battles. Some handle things differently. But… If you are suffering from depression/anxiety… Please know that you are not alone. People do understand what you’re going through. You deserve to be happy. You are not worthless or a waste of space. All of us are special, unique, and talented in our own ways. If you want to mask your pain to strangers … I get it. But don’t mask your pain to those who are close to you. There are people that will embrace you and understand you no matter what you’re going through. It’s ok to cry or feel overwhelmed …. As long as you can come back a little stronger than yesterday. If you feel like you can’t… Ask someone to help you up. 
There is a lot of hate, animosity, jealousy, discrimination, and snark in this world. No doubt. But… There is also love, understanding , compassion, kindness, forgiveness and strength out there too.  

I hope that if any of you ever meet that moment when you feel that you can’t stand tall… Please ask me for a hand to help you up.  
Much love to you all. πŸ’–

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