Long time no talk….
Where to start? Let’s start with dating.
Um…. I’ve run in to some real “interesting ” people in the past couple years of dating. Yes … I’ve been dating for awhile now. Sure, People may think why does she date so much? Or… Why is she dating someone different … Again?
Honestly… In a world where people settle just so they can they have something…. I’d rather have nothing than to say that I’ve settled. Standards, goals, self worth…Yes I have all of these. I don’t settle. What’s the point to settle for something that doesn’t make you feel fantastic? I flat out refuse.
This past month I’ve ran in to two very different types of people… The battered sheep and the aggressive narcissist.
Let’s start with the battered sheep. Key words/phrases that define him…. Divorced, 7 children, LDS, deathly afraid of his mother, a mind full of guilt, sex deprived, delusional, a closet freak, living with parents, acts like he is 16, is a nice person, very sheltered.
Ok… Let me set the scene….
He asked me out to watch his friend’s band play. I wasn’t sure where the venue was so I drove my car to his house ( I thought it was his house) and I was going to leave my car there and drive with him. As I was driving there a bad storm came through and the wind, dust storm, rain, lightening… It was crazy! So we decided to wait it out a bit before driving. I walked inside the home… Cross stitching… Everywhere! There wasn’t a foot of space that didn’t have something cross stitched on it. He then told me that he lived with his parents. He was a newly divorced man paying alimony and child support for 7 kids… Yes seven. So… I get it. He’s trying to make do in a situation… And trying his best. Then I asked him if it was possible for me to have a glass of water. He went in to the kitchen and handed me the biggest bottle of water I’ve ever seen. I said…. Oh, I don’t need all of this. Do you have a glass and I’ll just pour it in there. He explained, that he isn’t allowed to use the glasses. His mother would get upset. Um….. All I could think was … This is Norman Bates. He talked to me for 30 min. And this is what I gathered. He was extremely sheltered. He is involved in a religion that makes you feel horrible about yourself. A religion that imbeds fear, self hate, guilt and gives a warped take on life. Needless to say… We did not go to the concert. After the rain died down … I went home.
Next up… The whack-o
So… At first he was fine. In fact… He was very charming and very persistent. He said all the right things, he opened doors, he wanted to hold my hand, he brushed my hair out of my eyes when I was talking to him. I actually thought… I may give this guy a chance. We dated for a few weeks. One night he said .. I want to take you to a nice dinner … Your choice. I chose this sushi place that I loved. I show up… he’s in a super hero shirt. Now… It does irritate me that women spend hours getting ready for a date. Hair, make up, the right clothes… And a guy shows up in a super hero shirt and pants that look like they’ve been wadded up in a hamper. Sorry guys… But that is fucking annoying. After dinner.. He asked if I wanted to come over for ” cuddle time” while watching a movie. I hadn’t done “cuddle time” in a few years so I said sure. I walk into his place… Super hero and star war pictures… EVERYWHERE! Now.. I understand being A fan… But EVERYWHERE? He had Star Wars curtains. 😳. I was the proud owner of Strawberry Shortcake curtains once … But I was 7yrs old. Long story short ( and trust me there were other bizarre things). I decided I should probably pull away slowly and just vanish. I didn’t want to abruptly vanish because something told me that something was off. Two days went by and I had meetings and classes all day. I got to my phone to find out there was about 20 text messages, 2 phone calls and a voicemail. Ok … Ok… So I called him back and he was PISSED OFF. He was yelling and you could hear him throwing stuff and slamming stuff around. He was yelling at his kid… In a very condescending and cruel tone. RED FLAG!!! DANGER!!! DANGER!!! I flew off that phone and pretty much closed myself off to him. Within 5 minutes. The next day I did text him and I did tell him that I didn’t think it was going to work out and I didn’t want to date him anymore. I wished him the best and said I was pleased to meet him ( which was a white lie). He got back to me and we was PISSED… Calling me every name imaginable. Accusing me of all kinds of crazy stuff. He was verbally abusive and completely irrational. Not going to lie… I was terrified. It’s been only 24 hours and I’m still looking over my shoulder. He doesn’t know where I live… But he does know my car and knows the name of my work. Very uneasy feeling. He scared me so much that I was in tears… Just absolutely terrified of him.
It’s been a rough month. I just went back to work last week. Three weeks without work is emotionally draining. I lived off of $40 for a week. I had to borrow money from my dad and sell some stuff. I made it through the summer… I’m still trying tinker my head above water. But… I’m surviving… Like I always do.
I’ve decided to just stay focused on my kid and work. My personal life is completely on hold. I want certain things in my life and I know what I don’t want in my life. That’s the way it’s going to be. I’m not sacrificing my self worth for anyone…. I’ve done it before… It’s absolutely soul crushing.
So…. That’s what I’ve been up to. ✌️