Well.. it’s almost here. Tomorrow I turn another day older. Birthdays for me have turned in to a insignificant event. However, it’s about his time every year that I evaluate the past year. Mistakes made, what I need to avoid in the future, what Worked/ what didn’t and so on.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about getting old. Will I be in a home? Will I just wither away in to nothing and no one will really know? Or will have own numerous cats, chase neighborhood children off my lawn with a broom. The options are endless I suppose.
My accomplishments so far in this life… 1. my child and how caring and compassionate he is.
2. My work… and I continue to grow
3. To find my voice
My failures…. 1. Trusting too easily
2. Believing that there is a soul mate & that they will care about you the same you care about them.
3. Unable to get my online store to grow. Making $20 – $40 a week off of it. It’s not keeping the lights on or paying the rent that’s for sure.
So what now? Well I’m in the process of finding a third job. I’m planning on working days and then going straight to my evening job. Not ideal. But… hey .. you gotta do what you gotta do. Right?
Learning to let down my wall a bit. I’m worried that if I do… my heart will be splattered in to pieces. It’s been awhile since that’s happened and I really would not like to revisit that feeling anytime soon.
I’m realizing that chilvary, romance and unconditional love is a dying breed. It’s a little sad to me. I always think everything should be fairies, fireworks , kissing, puppies, flowers ,love letters, skipping and coffee.. yes coffee I refuse to list this as one of my downfall issues… because why are any of those a bad thing? Shouldn’t people want those things ?
Currently.. I’ve picked up light hiking, art, the world of live streaming and being embraced by an amazing community of people that think a like . Every day I try to improve myself … see something else I’ve never noticed before.
There had been a lot in my life that has been horrible, sad, heartbreaking and damaging. Everyday … I tried to counter balance it with something great. That way the nightmares and memories won’t consume me. I’m a fighter.. i will fight for my happiness. Even if that means I go down swinging… I’m a fighter.
And I will definitely fight for another year in this wacky life. 😊
Hug the ones that mean a lot to you. Make them feel appreciated .. like they matter. Make time for yourself. Make yourself happy. Take the time to appreciate things … especially when things go wrong . Breathe. Live. Love. Repeat.