Today is the day. It’s the day that people send sweet messages, flowers , candy and bare their souls to the ones the care about.
Why have I come to this conclusion?
Example A : One year … when I was in junior high school. I remember asking my mom if I could go to the grocery store and pick out a little gift for the boy had a crush on. It was super cute… It was a teddy bear and it had a little thing of candy attached to it. Nothing huge… Nothing major… Just small into the point. What happened? He also got three more Valentine’s Day gifts from girls at school, Never really said thank you, and throughout high school still teased me about when I gave him a Valentines gift in the seventh grade.
Example B: In high school.. I dateda guy for two years. On each of the Valentine’s Day I gave him a box of chocolates and a small gift. One year I even gave him two tickets to a sporting event that he really wanted to go to. Keep in mind… He didn’t even take me …he took his best friend. Which is fine. Do you know what I got? He took me to Taco Bell that day for lunch and bought me my lunch. However, we pretty much did that anyway at least two times a week. No thought was put into that. I’d rather have someone make me a card then to treat it like if it was any other day. At least you could say the effort was put into that.
Example C: after getting married… I really thought that I would have Valentine’s Day gifts planned out for the rest of my life. I figured… That this would be the time that I finally get a Valentine’s Day gift or have someone say thank you to me for getting them one. Nope. In about 10 years… There was no flowers, there wasn’t any special gifts, there wasnt hand-drawn cards or heart felt messages. Yet I continued to do what I usually do and try to make that day special for the one I care about.
Example D: (Surprising people with a gift) I love surprises… Especially when their pleasant ones and something that will make you smile. After I separated from my husband I thought it would be a great idea to send the person that I really loved and had always loved a surprise for Valentine’s Day. I had it all planned out, I asked friends for help, and I just thought it would be a great gesture. I was wrong. Don’t get me wrong… I did get a thank you and it was the first thank you I’ve ever gotten when giving Valentine’s Day presents. It was nice to have someone appreciate the effort. But… After that it all went to shit. That person didn’t really want to talk to me afterwards. I think he was completely embarrassed that I did that & pretty much didn’t want anything to do with me. Which was incredibly sad since I truly did love and care for this person. I vowed to stop giving Valentine’s presents after that.
You see… It’s not about me never getting a Valentines present. I mean it would have been nice to know how that felt. You see other friends get what you see in the movies or television. It’s just the fact that out of all these people I’ve ever cared about… They’re just was never any effort to return the effort I feel I was giving. When something like that happens it makes you feel worthless …that you’re not worth it. For years I believed that and gave in to that feeling.
This morning I woke up and thought to myself… I should send someone a Starbucks E-card for Valentine’s Day! Then that voice in my head said…why? Would it mean anything to them? Would they just dismiss it? Would they even appreciate it? I had massive doubt running through my mind.
Then I said Fuck It. I’m worth more than anyone of these people ever showed me. I’m not going to stop being who I am or do what I do because of the ” Valentine’s Day ” curse I have going on. I’m also not going to let a fucking holiday make me feel that I’m not good enough to participate in it.
Fuck Valentine’s Day. Fuck the status quo. And quite frankly… Fuck anyone who takes someone for granted and doesn’t appreciate any kind of effort someone does for them. I’m not going to stop believing in romantic gestures or fairytale endings. I’m not going to let the world make me bitter or hateful. Fuck that.
So this day gets the big finger. 🖕🏻