Another job? Sure why not. It’s “uber” cool.

Two weeks ago I started another job… yes another one.

I’m currently driving for Uber Eats for the East Valley. Does it pay well… no. Haha.

Here’s me getting ready for a day of driving.

( yes my pink hair has faded… it will be back this weekend)

What I’ve learned is …People do not tip. I get it when a young kid orders something after school but I’ve delivered to a plastic surgeons office & they haven’t tipped. I mean …give me a break. You put your money in for gas, & you are driving your car extra miles. So… I’m sure you’re asking… why the hell are you doing it then?? Honestly… I like driving. I like people. I get to find new restaurants & cafes that I didn’t even know existed. Good tunes & a good drive. The small cash I do make is great for gas , grocery or Starbucks money.

The extra cash helps with paying off my doctor bills that I’m about to get slammed with from my hospital visit this month and it helps me get ready for all the moving I’m doing this year. I’m applying for Mesa Artspace. They aren’t built yet but will be completed this summer and I’ve already started the process of getting in. I did the class, I do the registration in about a week, then I will go through the application process, and then the final interview in front of the board. I’ve been prepping for this moment for three years. I’m so ready for it.

( my new home this summer… send good vibes that I get in!! I can’t wait! )

I will document my journey and the process getting in to Artspace. So be prepared for blogs & snaps. You can follow my snaps at Hizzy5678.

Time to get to my daily duties & prepping for my Uber drives today. Hope you all have an awesome day. Take care, Be kind to yourself, and pay it forward today 😊💖


Hello 2018….

These past few weeks.. I feel like I’ve been side swiped and kicked from every direction. I am thankful for those who have been there for me and those that spoke such beautiful, inspiring, and kind words as well as given me their time, understanding , generosity , and their hugs that truly meant the world to me.

Thank you. You ladies know who you are. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Through all of these challenges put in front of me… I trust God and his path for me despite who or what stands in the way. I fully trust him to help guide me as I work hard and fight for myself and my worth to the path that he wishes for me to go down. Up until last summer … I had lost my faith. I had thought I was a forgotten soul since I was a child .. someone that wasn’t worthy. I had witness fake , dishonest , & untrustworthy examples of faith. Not really knowing what exactly it was or is that I was suppose to be feeling. Last summer that all changed when I was touched and given a reminder and from that moment.. it has changed my life forever. The way I view situations, people, events… the way I receive things … and who I let in to my life. This year has started off with so many lessons and obstacles … it’s hard to take it all in. However, I think to myself… he must have such a bigger plan for me. All these lessons… what am I preparing for? I’m not sure.. but I do know I trust him. I will work hard for my dreams .. my path. I also know that I will fight hard for others. Truth means everything to me. Equal and balance. ( I am a libra haha) I also know beside me are some incredible people that have been placed in my path to learn from, to grow from, to love, and to support. Even through all these trials and tribulations… I am so grateful, humbled, and I appreciate everything & everyone that is in front of me.

I pray for those that need to find their path, their faith, their humility ..or truly themselves.

I pray that you find the peace and happiness you seek. I hope you have a wonderful week. Be kind to others but most of all.. be kind to yourself.

Much love. ❤️

Life changing events…

The end of 2017 & the start of 2018 has been… life changing.

I can honestly say I’m a completely different person than I was a year ago. I’m not 100% if that is a good or bad thing yet. I just know that how I see the world , how I interact with the world, how I view people, how I view myself, what I think of life, love, work, play… all different.

When you spend three days in a hospital thinking you may not leave or my thought was I’m going to bleed out & die and no one will know where I am. It changes you.

I laid in the hospital bed so damn determined that I was going to walk out of there.. and I did.

I’m not really ready to talk about the week from hell. I may never be able to talk about it. However, I’m ready to put it behind me and change … everything .

I’m definitely going against the current at the moment. Dyed my hair pink. Trying to get in to Artspace ( fingers crossed that I get in), and getting ready to step away from competition dance.. a world I’ve lived in for 38 years. I have no desire for any love relationships or interaction. No interest at all. I’m only interested in getting in to Artspace , continuing my artistic endeavors, finding myself, loving, forgiving , supporting , and enjoying the people around me. The most important thing is that I’ve found God… he made his presence known.. and I listened. That relationship and trust is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It felt like the big hug my heart was yearning for. Words can not describe how it feels to finally feel …I am not forgotten or abandoned.

Going forward I plan on sharing more as I go on this journey. I will definitely talk more about my road to Artspace. Will I dye my hair lavender or stay with pink? Who knows? Haha Right now …I’m going where the wind takes me.

Dreams are bitches….

Well hello,

I’ve been MIA for a bit. Sorting through life, having life changes experiences, living through a hellish nightmare, conquering fears, and chasing down dreams. I wish I was kidding… I am not.

My life has been forever changed. The path I’m on is so incredibly different than anything I’ve ever been on before. It’s exciting yet completely terrifying at the same time.

Three days in the hospital really was a wake up call… it’s time to make some radical changes in my life.

So where does my adventure begin?

Well.. currently I’m taking a risk , leaving my safety zone and venturing out. My first big leap… I’m applying for Artspace in Downtown Mesa. I think living in a space with other artists will not only inspire me but make me feel I’m with my tribe. I’m in the early stages of this process and if I make it through everything to the final interview process in front of the artspace council… I’ll be very happy.

If I get in.. it means I will be moving 2 times in about 5-6 months. That is pretty tough but… in the end I feel it’s worth it.

So that’s the first step in my quest. There is more. But… I think I will stop here.

I am in a totally different headspace now than I was two weeks ago. On a different path.. we’ll see how it goes.

Much love & blessings to you today💖

No school – No work

One of the down falls of my job is that when the school shuts down… sondoes my work.   Struggling check to check is so stressful. But …  to have a week .. sometimes more… with out pay is just a cluster fuck. 

I’ve been stressing about this week for the past three weeks. Now that it’s here, I’m realizing ….. yes! This is going to be tough.  However, I get some fantastic quality time with my kiddo.  I’m usually rushing off to work as he’s getting home from school. Sometimes during the week… i may only really talk to him a total of an hour/ hour and a half that day. It’s been fantastic to be able to have this time. My kid is so funny. When we hang out … I laugh for hours. 

I feel very fortunate to be able to have this time with him before I head back in to work and he goes back to school.   Trying to keep stress on the back burner and not think about the out come at the end of the month.  Instead… I will just take each day for what it is. An opportunity to have some quality time and feel grateful. 


Busker… it is amazing!

If you’re not on Busker.. you are missing out!   It is an amazing live streaming community!  The Busker staff will check in on your broadcasts,  have chats with the community and always has some sort of surprise up their sleeve!   

I’m truly happy I found Busker and I’m so happy to grow relationships with other live streamers.  

It is always a blast to connect, share and network with the Busker community.

Viewers can enjoy broadcasts from a wide variety of entertainment and interaction. From comedy, music, art, travel, beauty, business, or just plain shenanigans … Busker has it all!  

Broadcasters can build their audiences, collect hearts given by viewers,  get tipped by viewers during live broadcasts & replays,  and NOW … they can sell Merch during Live  broadcasts or replays!  

It’s AMAZING!   Come join me and the rest of the talented Busker community on the Busker App!  

We’ll keep the light on for ya! 💖😊💖😊

Busker : Hizzy480

Snapchat: Hizzy5678

Have a beautiful weekend everyone ✌️️💖

Moulin Rouge….

If there could be a movie that was written just for me … It would be Moulin Rouge. 

The storyline tugs at my heartstrings.  I understand… A little too much… What the story is saying.  

I hadn’t watched it in awhile. But tonight as all the hustle and bustle of work was going on and people were flying past me  like sparks.  The song from the movie Fly Away  came in to my head.  I went in to the bath room and cried for about 5 min.  

Of course I had to watch it as soon as I got home.  It’s all a whirlwind of color and silly nonsense. Dancing, singing, some bad acting here and there. But the storyline… It kills me.  

The last song… When she turns to him almost begging him not to go. That feeling you get when you watch what you love the most walk away.  That one last attempt to make them understand that they are your moon, stars, sun and air you breathe…. It’s written all over her face from the first line of the song.  

There aren’t great clips from the movie online … This is the close I could get .   

Her first line and the sign of relief she gives when he stops to realize that he doesn’t want to let her go.  It’s enough to break your heart yet give you hope that someday.. Someone will look at you that way and never let you go.  

Distant memories and far away dreams….

Have you ever sat in a dark room… Listening to the sound of the traffic going by… And all of a sudden you feel like a very small piece in a enormous puzzle?

I guess that’s what is considered ” the still of the night”

It’s nights like this that I go over every meaningful conversation I’ve had. Every face that burned a hole in my memories. Lips that felt like all the worlds happiness in one kiss. All the thigs I want to accomplish and all the things I’ve failed at.  

It’s like a tidal wave of thoughts,memories, feelings & emotions.    

During the day you can get side tracked and distracted by daily chores, errands, work…. That sort of thing.  But… In the night.. There isn’t a way to hide from it.  

The feeling of grief , fear, loss, rejection, heartbreak, failure, worthlessness … Decide to come out of the shadows and greet me with open arms.  Sometimes, I can pull the covers over my head and ignore them. Sometimes…. I invite them in and they over stay their welcome until the sun comes up. 

They ask so many questions…

Why doesn’t he love you?   Why can’t you be better?  Where are you going to go from here? Why don’t you just pack up and disappear?  When will you get your shit together?   Why can’t you be prettier?  Who can love a person like you? 

They will all yell at once. Loud. Aggressively.  

I curl up in a ball and cry until my eyes hurt to much to keep open. I finally fall asleep and hope they will leave before I open my eyes in the morning. 

There are nights… Like tonight… When I put  up a fight against them. It works well enough… Until panic and anxiety set in … Exhausted from putting up the good fight. 

I use to love the night.  I would light candles, sit in a dark room and listen to music, write poems and letters, say little chants to stay focused.  I loved the night. It’s too bad I’m absolutely terrified of it now.  All I see in the night is what I lost… Haunting me.  Sometimes I remember how he felt.  I remember how she cried. I remember how it felt. Pain, loss, grief…. Sitting at my bedside. 

I’ve always been strong. I had no choice. It’s something that had to happen to ensure my survival.  I survived… Domestic violence,  molestation,  death in the family,  pure heartbreak,  betrayal, lies,  more death, solitude, self hate,  the same painful heartbreak, harassment…. You get the point. 

I survived.  

Surviving is exhausting… Sometimes I’m truly exhausted.   

When the sun comes up … Things seem to melt away.  I know longer feel loss sitting on my shoulder.  I don’t regret loving those that threw me away.  I realize my self worth and feel sorry for those that have rejected and abandoned me … I would never rejected them and I would have moved mountains for their happiness… It’s their loss.   I could care less about the lynch mob that tried to attack my character at every turn when it comes to my business and the decisions made.   The sun brings me the strength to put it behind me and carry on.  

I do miss the moon and her company. But for now… I will look to the sun and the warmth it brings me to light my way.